GOD DID IT!

A lot of people are quick to blame BP, or the people who put together the oil rig that is currently spewing black gold into the Gulf of Mexico, but Rick Perry -- the only governor we have at the moment -- knows better. Speaking at a Washington conference today, Perry was eager to stop any of that tree-hugging talk that would argue a simple huge, gigantic oil-rig disaster should stop anyone from drilling in the Gulf. Perry said that the accident "could be an act of God," Politico reports, thereby being the first Gulf governor to squarely put the blame where it belongs -- not on the oil industry, but on Yahweh. Yahweh -- a/k/a the Supreme Being (we think that's his rap name) -- could not be reached for comment to defend Himself against Perry's accusation. Perry did not elaborate on why he thought the All-Powerful would set loose millions of gallons of crude upon some of the most fragile coastline in His creation. Probably some insurance scam or something. After putting a target on God's back, Perry emphasized the most important thing to be learned from what's happened -- we should not stop drilling.

I DIDN'Y KNOW THAT THIS WAS ONE OF THE DEADLY PLAGUES.