SOO WEE....HERE PIGGIE, SOO WEE

MEDFORD, Oregon – Jurors spent only about an hour deliberating Tuesday before convicting an Oregon woman of killing two handymen and feeding their corpses to her pigs. The Jackson County jury found Susan Monica guilty of murdering two men about a year apart, then abusing their corpses by feeding them to the animals at her farm, The Medford Mail Tribune reported. Circuit Judge Tim Barnack immediately sentenced Monica to a minimum 50 years in prison. She variously claimed that one man shot himself repeatedly in the head and also that she shot him in self-defense and he was eaten by her pigs before she buried his remains on her 20-acre farm in southern Oregon.

CRAZY AND FAT, WHAT A COUPLE

The 52-year-old, who claims that weight gain runs in her family, saying: ‘My mum was fat and my favorite sister was fat, as were my grandparents, my grandmother and my great-grandmother. She used to feel quite different about her body. After her first marriage collapsed due to her weight gain, Gayla turned to the internet for support and found a group of women calling themselves SSBBWs (super-sized big beautiful women). From there, Gayla joined a forum called Bulge Chat, where she went on to meet her second husband Lance, a 54-year-old truck driver from Canada. And now, as well as enjoying a happy marriage with Lance, Gayla has also carved out a successful career as a webcam model.

MEOW....., ALCOHOL AND CATS DO NOT MIX...

KITTY, KITTY, KITTY

Vietnam – Pet cats are being snatched off the streets and killed in their ten of thousands across Asia – to feed the booming appetite for their meat in Vietnam. Restaurants serving domestic cats – sold as a delicacy known as ‘baby tiger’ – are springing up across northern Vietnam, despite laws against eating the animals. And at one restaurant – an hour’s drive from the capital Hanoi – the owner told MailOnline demand is so high he’d slaughtered 31 cats already that day just to keep up. Although eating cat meat is illegal, police officers and lawyers are among Vietnam’s biggest customers.

BIDEN STEALS BABY'S PACIFIER AND SUCKS ON IT

Vice President Joe Biden has been accused of putting his foot in his mouth before – but a toddler’s pacifier? And not just any toddler– Jasper Michael Brown Quintana is the grandson of former New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg. Jasper’s mother, Georgina Bloomberg, posted a Facebook picture Wednesday showing the bemused, 15-month-old tot apparently trying to figure out what the veep was doing sucking on his pacifier. “What’s a boy to do when the Vice President steals your pacifier?”she wrote next to the photo.

KMART POOPER

CALEDONIA, Wis., April 2 (UPI) -- Police in Wisconsin said they arrested a woman accused of urinating and defecating in a box at Kmart while wearing a T-shirt that said "dropping a load." Investigators said Melissa Jacobson, 49, of Racine, was recorded on security camera footage Monday going behind a cash register at the store, loosening her pants and squatting down to allegedly urinate and defecate in a box of security tags. Police said Jacobson wiped herself with a paper towel before returning to the customer service counter, where she was making a return. The arrest report quoted an employee as saying Jacobson was a regular at the store "so she should know where the public restrooms are located." Police said Jacobson, who was wearing a T-shirt at the time of the incident with a picture of a dump truck and the caption "dropping a load," denied the action when she was confronted at her home and resisted arrest. Jacobson  was charged with misdemeanor counts of disorderly conduct, resisting an officer and obstructing an officer.

UGLY WIFE TO BE

China – A groom tried to kill himself after seeing his “ugly” arranged marriage bride for the first time. Kang Hu, 33, claimed bride Na Sung, 30, would be “bad for his image” after he walked out of the ceremony and threw himself in a nearby river. The 33-year-old had stunned guests at the wedding in the city of Shiyan, in central China’s Hubei province, when he apologised to his bride before telling her she was “too ugly”. Pal Chan Wang said: “It was a very awkward moment for everyone. “The bride was devastated, her family were furious, his family were furious, and we his friends were embarrassed..

SEXY SCARECROW

Jose Alberto, who was found dead in his San Jose de Balcare home, was found lying next to a straw doll dressed in lipstick and donning a wig. According to the "Irish Mirror", Alberto was considered a loner by his neighbors and there was no sign of violence at the scene. “There were no signs of violence, and we were working on the assumption that the man died during sex with the scarecrow,” said police spokesman Rodolfo Moure. “I initially thought there were two bodies but then I realized one was a scarecrow wearing lipstick and a long-haired wig.” Moure told the publication his office is awaiting autopsy results.