OBVIOUSLY SHE WAS HUNGRY!

(AP) LINCOLN, Neb. (AP) - Police say a 24-year-old man is missing a chunk of his right ear that was bitten off by a woman who didn't like being called "fat." Police spokeswoman Katie Flood said officers were called to a Lincoln hospital around 3:25 a.m. Wednesday to talk to the injured man. He told them that he'd been bitten at a party. Flood said officers later learned that the injured man and two others had been arguing with other people at the birthday party. Flood says the man told 21-year-old Anna Godfrey that she was fat.

Officers said Godfrey then tackled the man and took a bite. Flood said the ear chunk was not found. Godfrey was arrested on suspicion of felony assault and remained in custody Wednesday. Case records don't yet list her attorney's name.

LET ME START HITTING SOME OF THESE PEOPLE, PLEASE!!

YOU HAVE MY PERMISSION YOUNG LADY!

GIVE ME PORN OR DIE

SANTA ANA — A Newport Beach man attempting to steal a pornographic magazine shoved a liquor store owner so fiercely that the man flew through the air and landed on the back of his head, a prosecutor told a jury here Tuesday. Hao Huynh, who owned Sportsman Liquor in Newport Beach for 15 years, died the day after the vicious attack on July 28, 2007 from a fractured skull and massive bleeding in the brain, Deputy District Attorney Matt Murphy said. Both attorneys agreed that Kruger tried to shoplift a pornographic magazine from Sportsman Liquor at 2615 Newport Blvd., in Newport Beach by hiding it under his shirt when he walked up to the cash register to buy a pack of cigarettes. Huynh, who could see the magazine sticking out of Kruger's shirt, demanded that it be returned. Kruger then walked out of the store, refusing to give up the magazine. Murphy contended that Huynh, who weighed only about 100 pounds, was assaulted by the much larger Kruger when he grabbed for the stolen magazine. Dolnick, however, said Kruger threw the magazine back at Huynh first, and then shoved him to the ground.

DUH!!!!

(AP) DENTON, Texas (AP) - A woman was trying to figure out what to do after a demolition crew wrongly tore down most of her house, instead of one across the street. Francis Howard told the Denton Record-Chronicle that "I don't have the words to say" about what happened to her family's longtime home. The 69-year-old woman, who lives with her son in Frisco, said Monday that the family had resided in the Denton home for 47 years. Much of the house was demolished April 21. City records show the house that was supposed to be demolished was ordered in January to be repaired or torn down, due to unkept lawns, outside storage, junked vehicles and failure to secure the structure. The landlord of the property that was to have been demolished declined comment.

BUT WHAT THE HEC......., MAYBE IT IS THE "IN" THING!

WHAT A SHIT HEAD!

(AP) Police say that officers searching for a man wanted on methamphetamine charges found him hiding neck-deep in a liquid manure pit at a northeastern Indiana farm. Noble County sheriff's deputies thought they'd lost 52-year-old Thomas Hovis Jr. until an officer spotted him in the tank beneath an outbuilding floor on the farm near Albion. Chief Deputy Doug Harp says Hovis had been neck-deep in the combination of hog and dog feces for at least an hour Tuesday evening. He later became combative and had to be shocked twice with a stun gun. Hovis was treated at a hospital for hypothermia before he being taken to jail.  A Steuben County magistrate on Wednesday ordered him held without bail because he missed court hearings in February and March.

SAY WHAT?

(AP) LINCOLN, Neb. (AP) - A man who concealed his face by wrapping his head with toilet paper robbed a Lincoln convenience store. Police said the man was armed with a knife when he robbed the store around 10:30 on Saturday night. He escaped on foot with an undisclosed amount of money from the safe.

I'M NOT DUNCK

BRADENTON, Fla., April 26 (UPI) -- Police in Florida said a 68-year-old man who refused a field sobriety test after being involved in a car crash drank a beer while talking to troopers.  The Florida Highway Patrol said Elmer Daniels of Bradenton initially switched seats with his wife after a collision with another vehicle just prior to 8 p.m. Tuesday, but four adults in the other vehicle identified him as the driver, the Bradenton Herald reported Monday. Daniels, who was drinking a beer while talking to troopers, admitted drinking beer in his van and had finished nearly two beers before the crash.

BIG BEN IS NOT VERY BIG ANYMORE

April 21, 2010 By Sam Farmer:  Steelers reportedly shopping Roethlisberger after NFL hands down six-game suspension. Team officials are talking to clubs with high picks in the upcoming draft, ESPN says. The quarterback’s off-field behavior could cost him $2.8 million in salary. Reporting from New York — The bad behavior of Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback' Ben Roethlisberger resulted Wednesday in a six-game suspension by the NFL and reportedly has triggered what once would have been unthinkable: The Steelers are testing the market to trade him.

AND...

PITTSBURGH, April 25 (UPI) -- Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger, suspended for off-field behavior, has been "dropped" from a spot at the Pittsburgh zoo, officials said.  Roethlisberger's name was replaced on a tall pole the zoo uses to show elephants' height compared to people, WTAE-TV, Pittsburgh, reported. The zoo has replaced Roethlisberger's name with that of Pittsburgh Penguins owner and NHL Hall of Famer Mario Lemieux, the television station said Friday. Some zoo visitors had expressed concerns about Roethlisberger's name on the display, zoo spokeswoman Tracy Gray said. Roethlisberger was accused of sexual assault by a 20-year-old woman in Milledgeville, Ga., in March. After a police investigation, no charges were filed.

AND.....THOSE LITTLE GIRL'S PINK PITTSBURGH JERSEYS  WITH THE NUMBER 7 ARE NOT SELLING AND ARE STUCK IN THE BACKROOM, NO PARENTS WANT THEIR GIRLS TO WEAR THEM!

CONDONING DRUNKS

"A Romanian town has installed warning signs alerting motorists to the number of drunks crossing the road.

The triangular sign features a man crawling on the floor holding a bottle and has been introduced as the result of a series of accidents. Mayor of Pecica, Petru Antal said he hopes the sign will act as a warning to motorists who may not know the area - where locals apparently enjoy the town's many bars. He added that the problem came about because Pecica is a border town which many people drive through quickly on their way somewhere else."

LOVELY POSES

BAD PERSON, BAD PERSON

NICE ADS???

THE END OF TIMES AS WE KNOW IT

"Another day, another crazy conspiracy theory. With the recent spate of devastating earthquakes around the world, it was only a matter of time until someone came forward and started looking for scapegoats for a perfectly natural event. This time we have a senior Iranian cleric, Ayatollah Kazem Sedighi, who has attempted to blame the prevalence of earthquakes in Iran on extramarital affairs, brought about by an abundance of promiscuous women."

THIS EXPLAINS EVERYTHING!!

BLOW DARTS IN AMERICA

PLOVER, Wis., April 23 (UPI) -- Police in Wisconsin said they arrested a woman who allegedly shot at least five people with blow darts because she liked hearing people say "ouch." Stevens Point Police said Paula Wolf, 41, of Plover, was arrested at about 9:30 p.m. Wednesday after five people complained of being hit by blow darts shot from her car in various locations, WSAW, Wausaw, Wis., reported Friday. Investigators said Wolf told them she fired the darts at people because she liked hearing them say "ouch." Wolf is also accused of breaking a window at a Plover pizzeria.  She was taken to the Portage County Jail and is expected to face formal charges Friday, WSAU, Wausaw, reported."

CONDITIONAL

MIGORI, Kenya, April 23 (UPI) -- An Anglican clergyman in Kenya said members of his congregation who don't have voting cards will no longer be offered holy communion. Canon Walter Okeyo of the Migori Parish told a voter registration workshop organized by the Civil Society Organization that members of his church will have to obtain voter identification cards before they can receive communion, The Nation reported Friday."It will be a condition in my church that you first show me your voter's card before receiving holy communion," he told the meeting.

And you thought Acorn was bad.

BARBI AND D.U.I.

A 40-year-old British man was arrested for driving a tinkered with old Barbie Jeep while intoxicated, even though the toy vehicle tops out at 4 miles an hour. Paul Hutton, who is six feet tall, was squished into the tiny car driving the short distance to a neighbor’s house when police pulled him over at 9pm on April 4th. Hutton says: The police car came up alongside me and the officer said “Are you all right there, mate?”‘ he said.  When I tried to talk I realised how drunk I was. A lot of burble came out. ‘There was a dispute at first between the officers on the phone as to what the legalities of it were. Then they decided I was to be done for drink driving. ‘I was taken to Clacton police station and breathalysed. Then I was taken to the cells. I was released at about 5.30am. ‘I really didn’t realise I should be doing it. I knew it was daft but I didn’t realise it was a criminal thing to do."

PRESIDENTIAL DINNERS

BETTER TO TALK THAN TO POOP

GOTTA GIVE UP ONE OF THEM!  India - India’s mobile subscribers totalled 563.73 million at the last count, enough to serve nearly half of the country’s 1.2 billion population. But just 366 million people - around a third of the population - had access to proper sanitation, said the study published by the United Nations University, a UN think-tank.

PLEASE, PLEASE, REPLACE ME WITH NANCY PELOSI

SOCIALIZED MEDICINE

A patient lost a testicle during an operation because the surgeon cut it off by mistake, a General Medical Council (GMC) hearing has been told. Dr Sulieman Al Hourani was only supposed to cut out a cyst, but removed the whole right testicle instead. Dr Al Hourani was a locum surgeon at Fairfield General Hospital in Bury, Greater Manchester, at the time of the surgery in September 2007. He is accused of misconduct and also of stealing medication. It is alleged the doctor, who is now practising in Jordan and was not present at the hearing, also injected himself with a drug meant for a patient. Sarah Prichard, counsel for the GMC, said the mistake was made as a nurse helping the surgeon turned her back to get a stitch. When she turned around the testicle had been removed. A month later it is alleged that the doctor, who qualified after studying at Jordan University of Science and Technology, stole two boxes of dihydrocodeine from a treatment room on a ward at the same hospital. An investigation was launched and the doctor was dismissed by his employer, Pennine Acute Hospitals NHS Trust, which ran the hospital. The GMC was told of another incident in August 2006, when Dr Al Hourani had consulted a colleague and was advised to inject a patient with 10 milligrams (mg) of midazolam, a powerful sedative drug. He then gave the patient 8mg and injected himself with the other 2mg, the hearing was told.

BAD LITTLE GIRL

"Meet America’s tiniest terrorist: 6-year-old Allison Mosher, who’s landed on the nation’s No Fly List alongside mad bombers and other villainous thugs in a mind-boggling snafu that could scuttle her family’s Grand Canyon vacation, her outraged dad says. “It’s flabbergasting,” Peter Mosher, 41, a software engineer from the Worcester area, told the Herald, recounting his pitched battle yesterday to clear his daughter’s name so they can catch their 6:10 a.m. United Airlines flight this morning at Logan International Airport. Fearing that red tape would ground their trip, Mosher made a desperate call to U.S. Sen. Scott Brown, whose aide phoned Transportation Security Administration brass at Logan to alert them to the maddening mix-up and ask them to straighten out the mess. We gave them a heads-up down at TSA. They will try to do everything they can to accommodate the family,” aide Jack Richard said. United Airlines said it didn’t know Allison was just 6. “The TSA manages the list,” explained spokeswoman Robin Urbanski, who said Allison likely will have to submit to extra screening. “I am very sorry she is on the list,” Urbanski said. “But when that happens, we are required to conduct a secondary set of security steps.”But she’s a first-grader!” Mosher said he pleaded, noting that the airline had her date of birth and middle name. But the agent told the frustrated father there was “nothing (he) can do,” Mosher said. Mosher turned to the TSA to report the mistake but was informed that Allison still needed to clear airport security to get a boarding pass. Ann Davis, a TSA spokeswoman, said that because there are no children on the No Fly List, airlines can let kids younger than 12 bypass the tighter security. “If they observe a 6-year-old standing before them, they can forgo additional procedures,” she said. When he was last contacted, however, an exasperated Mosher said he would have to wake his kids at 2 a.m. to get to Logan hours early to deal with the foul-up. It’s not just an inconvenience,” he said. “It makes us less safe because they’re spending time investigating a 6-year-old, instead of actually going after real terrorists."

THIS MAKES ME ILL

AP) PHILADELPHIA (AP) - A New Jersey man was jailed after he intentionally vomited on an off-duty police captain and his 11-year-old daughter in the stands during a Phillies game, police said. Matthew Clemmens, 21, of Cherry Hill, N.J., was charged with assault, reckless endangerment, disorderly conduct and related offenses for the incident at Wednesday night's Phillies-Nationals game. He was being held Friday on $36,000 bail. Clemmens made himself vomit on an off-duty police captain and his daughter after a companion of Clemmens' was kicked out for unruly behavior, police said. Clemmens retaliated by vomiting on Michael Vangelo, an off-duty Easton police captain, and his daughter, Philadelphia police spokesman Lt. Frank Vanore said. "It was the most vile, disgusting thing I've ever seen," Vangelo said Friday. "He has two fingers down his throat, he lunges forward and vomits on myself and my 11-year-old." Vangelo said he tried to push his children safely behind him, and Clemmens punched him in the face. Four or five fans in the next section rushed to help, Vangelo said. They held him until police arrived - someone punching Clemmens in the face as he tried to break free - and an officer was also hit with vomit, Vanore said.

MORE DELICIOUS FOOD

Chicken feet are eaten in the Chinese, Trinidad and Tobago, Jamaican, South African, Peruvian, and Philippine cuisine. Most of the edible meat on the feet consists of skin and tendons, without much muscle. The feet is largely cartilage, with many small bones which makes it difficult to eat for some.

Kopi Luwak are coffee beans that come from Civet (a cat sized mamal) poo. It is the most expensive coffee in the world, selling for between $120 and $600 USD per pound, and is sold mainly in Japan and United States. Farmers on coffee plantations allow the weasel-like creatures to eat their crop in order to collect their bean-filled droppings for a steamy and surprisingly chocolatey beverage.

These baby octopuses aren’t quite dead. They are eaten alive, which makes it dangerous if they are not chewed carefully, the tiny suction cups can stick to the mouth and throat. Many people have already suffocated while eating this dish.

They might look cute alive, but a guinea pig on a plate looks less adorable. Peruvian families keep guinea pigs as they are a good source of protein for villagers living up in the Andes. Cuy, as they are called, are generally roasted before they are served with all limbs and the head attached.

PULL HIM BACK UP, HE WAS JUST ELECTED MAYOR

(AP) TRACY CITY, Tenn. (AP) - A dead man has been elected mayor of Tracy City, Tenn. Carl Robin Geary died suddenly a few weeks ago. But he received 268 votes anyway in Tuesday's nonpartisan election, beating out incumbent Barbara Brock with 85votes in the two-candidate race. An election administrator, Donna Basham, said Wednesday she wouldn't speculate on why Geary won posthumously but noted his death had been widely reported at the time in this corner of southeastern Tennessee. She says the city council will now have to appoint a mayor to the four-year term. Brock had been appointed mayor 16 months ago when the previous mayor died. She says she thought she had done a good job but added voters wanted a return to the past.

MUST BE A DEMOCRAT!

WATCH A BABE AND FORGET THE BABY

AP) WELLINGTON, New Zealand (AP) - Police arrested a man for leaving his 1-year-old baby in a car unattended during the early hours while he watched strippers at a nightclub in New Zealand's capital, and have placed the boy in welfare agency care.
A passer-by called police after seeing the sleeping baby in a car parked near the Mermaid Strip Club in Wellington about 3 a.m. Tuesday. Police took the baby to hospital and arrested the father, 42, after he was located in the club, Inspector Simon Perry said. The man faces a charge of leaving a child under 14 without reasonable supervision, Perry said. The Child, Youth and Family agency has custody of the baby for five days while it works with the baby's relatives to decide on his future, agency deputy chief executive Ray Smith said. New Zealand's commissioner for children, John Angus, said leaving a child alone in a car at night was an "extreme form of neglect."

KEYSTONE COPS

"In a triumph of covert police work, undercover officers in North Carolina arrested another undercover officer from a different force after buying drugs off him.The entirely drug dealer-free drug deal occurred when undercover officers from the Statesville Police Department met a man interested in selling them some marijuana. The man was an undercover deputy from Iredell County Sheriff's Office.
The Statesville officers apparently became suspicious that the drug-dealer was, in fact, an undercover deputy - so they rang the narcotics unit of the sheriff's office to check. They were told that the dealer was definitely not an undercover deputy.
They promptly arrested the man, before officers from the sheriff's office arrived and confirmed that the man was, in fact, and undercover deputy. He was then released.
.Sheriff Phil Redmond told the Statesville Record & Landmark: 'We had several large-scale operations going on at once, and the wires got crossed on this one.'
Statesville Police Chief Tom Anderson said: 'It was a learning experience. Fortunately, nobody was hurt.'"

DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE OF PAINTING

HE CAN'T BE THAT STUPID

Cincinnati, Ohio - Meet William Ferris. The Ohio man yesterday paid a prostitute $50 with the understanding that he would receive a full menu of sexual services in the bathroom of a White Castle in Cincinnati. However, when the hooker only performed oral sex on him, Ferris–who was also expecting vaginal sex–contacted police to report that he had just been robbed.


DUH!!!!

FEEEDING THE TIGERS

GET HIM TONY!!

ALL A BUNCH OF PHARISEES

FORT WORTH, Texas - It appears to be a battle of faiths after a priest of a small Catholic church and a Jehovah’s Witness got into an altercation. The Jehovah’s Witness has accused Father John Parnell of assaulting him after he knocked on Parnell’s door. The priest said Jehovah’s Witnesses came into the church on Easter Sunday during Mass. “They walked right in and started handing out literature while people are sitting on the pews,” Parnell said.

URINE-AGAIN

FORT WORTH, Texas - Officials with a Texas school district said a group of high school cheerleaders was disciplined for giving urine-tainted drinks to teammates. Administrators said at least two girls at Fort Worth’s Saginaw High School received in-school suspensions and an unspecified number of their fellow cheerleaders received lesser punishments for serving sodas contaminated with a cheerleader’s urine to their teammates during a basketball game.

MOWING GRASS

SAN DIEGO (AP) - Border authorities arrested a man trying to cross the border with two mowers stuffed with the type of grass not usually found in machinery. U.S. Customs and Border Protection arrested an unidentified Mexican man who tried to smuggle 53 pounds' worth of marijuana across the border on Friday. The man drove into the inspection station from Tijuana, Mexico, at about 5:30 a.m. hauling the lawnmowers in his pickup. A dog alerted agents and a search turned up 21 packages of pot crammed inside the chassis of the mowers. The driver was arrested and booked into San Diego county jail on suspicion of drug trafficking.

GOOFY MOM

Mom Of The Year
Michael Kelly got a hysterical phone call from his mother saying that his 9 year old son was missing. As one might imagine, Michael panicked. He then made some bad choices on his way to mom's house. Driving at speeds up to 120 mph, running a red light, and refusing to stop for police he finally arrived at his mother's place. He was then arrested on several charges. But what about his son? The boy is fine, Michael's mom says it was just an April Fools joke.
Good one mom! Can't wait to see what she comes up with next year.

THURSDAY, LET'S MAKE THIS THE DAY OF THE DEAD

POLICE HAPPY TO WORK WITH SCHOOLS

"Greed is one of the things responsible for both crooked cops and crooked politicians. The family of deceased teenager Rahul Soni is sadly all too aware of this fact, as they were unable to perform customary post-death Hindu rituals on his body, because local police officers had already sold it to a local medical college for a profit. Rahu Soni, 18, was murdered on May, 25, 2009, in Sriganganagar, the northern-most city of Rajasthan state, India. According to The Hindu Newspaper, Rahu was discovered unconscious by police officers who, within 10 minutes of finding him, sold his body to Tantia Medical College. Ever since this sordid story recently hit Indian headlines, the Rajasthan Assembly has been in an uproar. First of all, what the police did was clearly illegal. Under the Rajasthan Anatomical Act, the police must wait at least 48 hours before they sell an unidentified body to a medical institute. Plus the police must make a sincere effort to try and identify the body, whether by advertising in local papers or seeking out family members. Second, an investigation by local officials revealed that the Rajasthan police may potentially have illegally sold over 20 bodies within the past 5 years."

NOT A VIKING FUNERAL

"Two mortuary workers in east China have been arrested and fired after the bodies of 21 infant babies and fetuses were found dumped in a river. Two senior staff at Jining Medical University in Shandong province have also been fired over the incident on the outskirts of the city late last month. At least eight of the bodies had tags indicating they came from the hospital. One of the 21 bodies, which have all since been cremated, was found in a plastic bag marked ‘hospital waste’. It is thought the corpses may have been those of aborted fetuses or babies who had died of illness. A spokesperson for the city government said that the two mortuary workers, named as Zhu Zhenyu and Wang Zhijun, had been paid to dispose of the bodies by relatives of the dead. “Investigations by police and health authorities show that Zhu and Wang had reached verbal agreements privately with relatives of the dead babies to dispose the bodies and charged fees,” the spokesman, Gong Zhenhua, said. “They subsequently transported the bodies secretly to the Guangfu River, but they had failed to bury the bodies completely.” At least 13 million abortions are thought to be carried out in China each year. The practice is common partly because of to the nation’s so-called “one-child policy”, which limits most urban couples to a single child. The rules are widely blamed for fueling abortions of female fetuses because boys are traditionally favored. Allegations of poor treatment of patients in the country’s underfunded hospitals are also common. Last June, a hospital in central Hubei province was found to have dumped the bodies of two adults and six aborted fetuses at a construction site after failing to locate relatives of the dead. A bag containing severed human limbs was also found in the case in the city of Xiangfan."

BETTER THAN CRYING BABIES

LONDON — Police have arrested two women at an British airport after they reportedly tried to smuggle a corpse onto a flight. Police said Tuesday the women were detained at Liverpool's John Lennon airport "on suspicion of failing to give notification of death" of a 91-year-old man. The BBC and other British media reported that the women placed the man, a relative of theirs, into a wheelchair and covered his face with sunglasses in a bid to get him aboard a flight to Berlin. The women, aged 41 and 66, were detained Saturday and have been released on bail. They have not been charged and police say inquiries are continuing.

MOOO

Pakistan - A Pakistani doctor has been suspended for using an ambulance to carry home a cow he had bought at a local market. The doctor had taken the ambulance from a rural health centre near the eastern city of Gujrat, in Punjab province. He was intercepted by police while driving home from the cattle market.

HE'S A HANGING JUDGE

AP) LITTLETON, Colo. (AP) - A longtime Colorado judge has been fired after issuing an arrest warrant for a teenager over an overdue library DVD. Municipal Judge James Kimmel issued the warrant after 19-year-old Aaron Henson failed to show up in court Jan. 14 over the overdue DVD, "House of Flying Daggers." On Jan. 25, police stoped the teen for speeding and held him for nearly eight hours after discovering the warrant. Henson had moved and didn't received the summons to court. The teen said he had packed the DVD in a box, and returned it about a week before Henson issued the warrant. The library notified the judge the DVD was back. The Littleton City Council fired Kimmel, a judge for nearly 30 years, at its meeting Tuesday night. Kimmel declined to comment to The Denver Post.


LET'S STRING THIS PUNK UP!

JIM DEMINT/SENATOR-ANOTHER GOOD GUY

"DeMint's main work has been opposing the increase of Federal government spending, both under the Bush and Obama Administrations. He was opposed to federal bailouts for banks and other corporations. For his stances on budgetary issues, DeMint has been strongly supported by the conservative political group Club for Growth. He was ranked as the most conservative United States Senator by National Journal in 2007 and 2008. DeMint has been a consistent supporter of school prayer and has introduced legislation that would allow schools to display banners such as one stating "God Bless America". DeMint is a member of the C Street Family, a Christian prayer group which includes many prominent Republican members of Congress that has been referred to as fundamentalist. In the Senate, DeMint introduced a failed amendment to change the Sarbanes-Oxley corporate accountability legislation.[citation needed] On the issue of immigration, DeMint favors requiring all illegal immigrants in the United States to return to their home countries and apply for legal residency. He is also against the Guest Worker program and is in favor of establishing English as the country's official language. DeMint was one of two Senators, along with David Vitter, to vote against Hillary Clinton's confirmation to become the United States Secretary of State. Following an attempted terrorist attack on December 25, 2009, DeMint criticized President Barack Obama for lacking focus on terrorism since taking office and for failing to appoint a head of the Transportation Security Administration. Demint has also had a singular role in blocking a vote on Obama's nominee for the position, Erroll Southers.

INSANE PET OWNERS

I THINK THIS IS MY BROTHER'S DOG, HA, HA.