WYOMING MAN FOUND WITH 30 EYEBALLS IN HIS ANAL CAVITY

Police made a routine traffic stop early Thursday morning and got more than they bargained for when Roy Tilbott, 51, stepped out of his El Camino for a field sobriety test and Casper police noticed several eyeballs slide from his right pant leg onto the road. Feeling they could have a potential murderer on their hands, police quickly drew guns and cuffed Tilbott. Tilbott assured police the eyeballs were not human, but instead cow eyeballs he had pilfered from Johnson Meats (a slaughterhouse) where Tilbott is employed as a butcher. “Company won’t let us take animal scraps home and instead toss them in the landfill,” Tilbott said in the police report. “They’re a very wasteful company. We should be allowed to take scrap meat and other parts home. The company should start a green initiative. They don’t even have recycling at the plant.” Tilbott explained his actions:  “I enjoy eating bovine eyeballs and smuggling them out in my colon was the only way I knew how to get them out without potentially getting caught and fired.” Tilbott told police he estimates he has smuggled several thousand eyeballs from the plant over the past few months. “I put them in soups,” Tilbott said in the police report. “They’re beneficial for erectile dysfunction, which I currently battle, but I also just like the texture and taste.” Tilbott was arrested for driving under the influence, his BAC two times higher than the legal limit, plus he was in possession of several large carving knives possibly stolen from the meat packing plant, but Tilbott has not been charged with theft as police need to further investigate to determine who the knives belong to. Police are also unsure whether to charge Tilbott with theft for the bovine eyeballs. They are waiting to talk with Tilbott’s employer first.

SOO WEE....HERE PIGGIE, SOO WEE

MEDFORD, Oregon – Jurors spent only about an hour deliberating Tuesday before convicting an Oregon woman of killing two handymen and feeding their corpses to her pigs. The Jackson County jury found Susan Monica guilty of murdering two men about a year apart, then abusing their corpses by feeding them to the animals at her farm, The Medford Mail Tribune reported. Circuit Judge Tim Barnack immediately sentenced Monica to a minimum 50 years in prison. She variously claimed that one man shot himself repeatedly in the head and also that she shot him in self-defense and he was eaten by her pigs before she buried his remains on her 20-acre farm in southern Oregon.

CRAZY AND FAT, WHAT A COUPLE

The 52-year-old, who claims that weight gain runs in her family, saying: ‘My mum was fat and my favorite sister was fat, as were my grandparents, my grandmother and my great-grandmother. She used to feel quite different about her body. After her first marriage collapsed due to her weight gain, Gayla turned to the internet for support and found a group of women calling themselves SSBBWs (super-sized big beautiful women). From there, Gayla joined a forum called Bulge Chat, where she went on to meet her second husband Lance, a 54-year-old truck driver from Canada. And now, as well as enjoying a happy marriage with Lance, Gayla has also carved out a successful career as a webcam model.

MEOW....., ALCOHOL AND CATS DO NOT MIX...

KITTY, KITTY, KITTY

Vietnam – Pet cats are being snatched off the streets and killed in their ten of thousands across Asia – to feed the booming appetite for their meat in Vietnam. Restaurants serving domestic cats – sold as a delicacy known as ‘baby tiger’ – are springing up across northern Vietnam, despite laws against eating the animals. And at one restaurant – an hour’s drive from the capital Hanoi – the owner told MailOnline demand is so high he’d slaughtered 31 cats already that day just to keep up. Although eating cat meat is illegal, police officers and lawyers are among Vietnam’s biggest customers.

BIDEN STEALS BABY'S PACIFIER AND SUCKS ON IT

Vice President Joe Biden has been accused of putting his foot in his mouth before – but a toddler’s pacifier? And not just any toddler– Jasper Michael Brown Quintana is the grandson of former New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg. Jasper’s mother, Georgina Bloomberg, posted a Facebook picture Wednesday showing the bemused, 15-month-old tot apparently trying to figure out what the veep was doing sucking on his pacifier. “What’s a boy to do when the Vice President steals your pacifier?”she wrote next to the photo.

KMART POOPER

CALEDONIA, Wis., April 2 (UPI) -- Police in Wisconsin said they arrested a woman accused of urinating and defecating in a box at Kmart while wearing a T-shirt that said "dropping a load." Investigators said Melissa Jacobson, 49, of Racine, was recorded on security camera footage Monday going behind a cash register at the store, loosening her pants and squatting down to allegedly urinate and defecate in a box of security tags. Police said Jacobson wiped herself with a paper towel before returning to the customer service counter, where she was making a return. The arrest report quoted an employee as saying Jacobson was a regular at the store "so she should know where the public restrooms are located." Police said Jacobson, who was wearing a T-shirt at the time of the incident with a picture of a dump truck and the caption "dropping a load," denied the action when she was confronted at her home and resisted arrest. Jacobson  was charged with misdemeanor counts of disorderly conduct, resisting an officer and obstructing an officer.

UGLY WIFE TO BE

China – A groom tried to kill himself after seeing his “ugly” arranged marriage bride for the first time. Kang Hu, 33, claimed bride Na Sung, 30, would be “bad for his image” after he walked out of the ceremony and threw himself in a nearby river. The 33-year-old had stunned guests at the wedding in the city of Shiyan, in central China’s Hubei province, when he apologised to his bride before telling her she was “too ugly”. Pal Chan Wang said: “It was a very awkward moment for everyone. “The bride was devastated, her family were furious, his family were furious, and we his friends were embarrassed..

SEXY SCARECROW

Jose Alberto, who was found dead in his San Jose de Balcare home, was found lying next to a straw doll dressed in lipstick and donning a wig. According to the "Irish Mirror", Alberto was considered a loner by his neighbors and there was no sign of violence at the scene. “There were no signs of violence, and we were working on the assumption that the man died during sex with the scarecrow,” said police spokesman Rodolfo Moure. “I initially thought there were two bodies but then I realized one was a scarecrow wearing lipstick and a long-haired wig.” Moure told the publication his office is awaiting autopsy results.

NEW MEXICO WOMAN TRIED TO SNEAK GUN INTO JAIL IN HER GENITALS

KOAT reports that Josephine McAllister, 34, of Albuquerque, New Mexico, allegedly tried to sneak a gun into jail that was concealed in her genitals.McAllister was originally booked on Dec. 16 in connection with fraud charges related to allegedly stolen credit cards. The woman is accused of going through jail security and promptly throwing the gun away in the trash. That's where the firearm was allegedly found by an inmate, who alerted authorities. The Albuquerque Journal reports that McAllister told authorities she hid the gun in her waistband, but a criminal complaint says otherwise.
"Knowing how in depth the PTC (Prisoner Transport Center) officers search prisoners, there is no way that they could have missed it on her waist band,” a deputy wrote in the complaint. McAllister now faces a charge of bringing contraband into a place of imprisonment. It was not too long ago that another woman tried the same trick. In 2013, Christie Harris of Oklahoma was sentenced to 25 years for trying to sneak a gun into jail via her vagina. She also tried to sneak meth in her anus.

MOMMY DEAREST

A Florida woman who told cops she has anger control issues has been arrested for repeatedly beating her son with a rope and killing the family’s puppy as her children watched. Charlotte Wonjah, 26, appeared in a Miami court Thursday, where Judge George Sarduy set her bail at $5,000 on the animal cruelty charge and ordered her to appear again Friday on a charge of aggravated child abuse. Police officers were investigating a domestic violence case when they found welts and bruises on Wonjah’s 8-year-old son, WTVJ-TV reported. The wounds were in varying stages of healing, authorities said. The mother said she had lost control of temper and attacked her son, police said. She also acknowledged killing the family’s 1-month-old puppy by slamming it on the floor in front of her kids because she no longer wanted to take care of it, police said. A message left by the Daily News with the Miami Police Department wasn’t immediately returned Thursday.

BREASTFEEDING......OKAY???

As proud mum Denise Sumpter cuddles her bright, talented and confident daughter it is clear they have a special bond. At six-and-a-half years old, Belle is still breastfeeding– the oldest child in the UK known to be taking her mother’s milk. The Year Two pupil will ask for a feed if she is tired, ill or simply wants some bonding time with her mum. She might ask a couple of times a day, or maybe just once or twice a week. Sometimes she feeds on her own, and other times she latches on alongside 18-month-old brother Beau. And Denise, 44, insists she will continue until Belle decides it is time to stop. “I’ll feed Belle as long as she asks,” she says. “I don’t know how long that will be. It will be the same with Beau. I don’t think there’s anything weird about it.  “I feed both children on demand – ­whenever they want it.” Belle is a head taller than most of her classmates and has rarely been ill. Her mother puts this down to her “mama’s milk”, and for the confidence of her clever daughter – a talented violinist, singer and dancer who is top of the class in most subjects. Denise, a PhD student of ancient science, says: “I have two healthy, bright, confident children who I truly believe have benefitted from breast milk, and continue to do so.” Denise has the backing of partner Jules Deering, 47, a technical director at a university drama department. “Breastfeeding hasn’t impacted my sex life in any way,” she says. “It hasn’t ruined my breasts.” In fact she credits it with helping her keep her figure and her health, saying: “I’m protected from various cancers and can eat what I want without gaining weight.”