LOVE ME-JJ HELLER

He cries in the corner where nobody sees
He’s the kid with the story no one would believe
He prays every night, “Dear God won’t you please
Could you send someone here who will love me?”
Who will love me for me
Not for what I have done or what I will become
Who will love me for me
‘Cause nobody has shown me what love
What love really means
Her office is shrinking a little each day
She’s the woman whose husband has run away
She’ll go to the gym after working today
Maybe if she was thinner
Then he would’ve stayed
And she says…
Who will love me for me?
Not for what I have done or what I will become
Who will love me for me?
‘Cause nobody has shown me what love, what love really means
He’s waiting to die as he sits all alone
He’s a man in a cell who regrets what he’s done
He utters a cry from the depths of his soul
“Oh Lord, forgive me, I want to go home”
Then he heard a voice somewhere deep inside
And it said
“I know you’ve murdered and I know you’ve lied
I have watched you suffer all of your life
And now that you’ll listen, I’ll tell you that I...”
I will love you for you
Not for what you have done or what you will become
I will love you for you
I will give you the love
The love that you never knew

"A PORTRAIT OF CRIME"

OH SALVADOR, AND I THOUGHT THAT YOU WERE A BIT STRANGE.

DON'T MAKE A PIG OF YOURSELF AT DINNER

SORRY, I AM SKIPPING DINNER

"It takes some pretty big cajones to try exotic food when traveling to remote parts of the world, especially if you stumble into the Guo-li-zhuang Restaurant in China. This restaurant may not have an elaborate theme like prisons or toilets, but it sets itself apart in what it serves. Catering specifically to wealthy businessman (who may be trying to compensate for something), this restaurant specializes in penis and testicle dishes, some of which can cost as much as $360."

WHY DOES THIS FOOD TASTE LIKE SHIT?

AUTOPSY DINNER ANYONE?

"Our cultured readers and japonophiles may already know about nyotaimori, the tradition of serving food off of a woman, but have you ever heard of food served OUT of a woman? The Cannibal Banquet serves a “piñata” body filled with delicious meats and a red sauce that “bleeds” when the body is cut into. Another instance of things getting lost in translation, there don’t seem to be many details other that photos about where, when and how this cannibalistic cuisine goes down." 

OH MY GOSH, SUCH VIOLENT KINDERGARDEN CHILDREN!

MESA, Ariz., May 26 (UPI) -- An Arizona man said he was shocked to learn school officials called police to talk to his 6-year-old daughter about threats. Brent Farley of Mesa said officials at James Madison Elementary called police to talk to his daughter, Carissa, after she and a boy in her kindergarten class argued about the quality of their artwork, KPHO-TV, Phoenix, reported Wednesday. "He said he was going to kill me, and then I said I was going to kill him," Carissa said. Farley said he was not present when the police officer talked to his daughter, but officials brought in her mother, who works at the school. "I was shocked," Farley said. "My daughter, she just turned 6." "When we have people calling the police on the kindergarten, there's something wrong," he said. The Mesa Public School District said the police officer was a uniformed resource officer trained in talking to children. Farley said he wants an apology from the school.
"It's definitely something that could have been handled in house, because there was no threat," he said

YOU DO KNOW I AM JOKING, RIGHT??

NICE DOGGY

AHA, NO DAMN DOG THIS TIME!

ONE I WILL AGREE WITH

COCA-COLA

THEORY OF RELATIVITY

LIFE IS JUST A JOKE!

HOLY WATER SCARE

POMPANO BEACH, Fla., May 25 (UPI) -- A Florida school district said two teachers are under investigation for allegations they poured holy water on an atheist colleague. Schandra Rodriguez, a teacher at Blanche Ely High School in Pompano Beach who identifies herself as an atheist, alleges colleagues Leslie Rainer and Djuna Robinson, both self-proclaimed Christians, poured holy water on her March 11 because of her beliefs, WPLG-TV, Miami, reported Tuesday. The Broward School Board said Rainer and Robinson were removed from their classrooms and the allegations are being investigated. Johnny McCray Jr., an attorney for the pair, said the incident was a joke that was blown out of proportion. "Miss Robinson obtained a little bottle with some perfume in it in jest and the students will all confirm she never went close to Miss Rodriguez. Miss Rodriguez was on the other side of the classroom and that was basically it," he said.

BUT..., DID YOU CHECK FOR BLISTERS??

HUMAN MUSHROOM

AFTER READING THE MORNING PAPER WITH OBAMA'S LATEST ACTIONS

SHOULD I COME IN OR GO OUT??

WHAT MICHAEL REALLY SAW

WILL THE REAL JOE JACKSON PLEASE STEP FORWARD.

WEIRD DREAMS

SHOCIKING STORY ABOUT CONDIMENTS

DAYTONA BEACH, Fla., May 18 (UPI) -- Police in Florida said they arrested two women after one of them allegedly chased employees at a Wendy's with a stun gun because she was mad about condiments. Employees at the Daytona Beach fast food restaurant said two women, identified by police as Katrina Bryant, 23, and Melanese Reid, 21, became irate at the drive-thru window early Monday because they did not receive mayonnaise and mustard packets, WFTV, Orlando, Fla., reported Tuesday. The workers said they scattered when Reid pulled a stun gun from her car and entered the store, attempting to fire the weapon at employees. One worker fled the store and called police from a nearby 7-Eleven store. The women fled in their car and were pulled over and arrested less than a mile from Wendy's, police said. They are facing charges of assault with a deadly weapon

SLIGHTLY OUT OF TUNE

CHURCH IS GOING TO THE DOGS

"Calvary Episcopal Church is offering its first 'Perfect Paws Pet Ministry', aimed at giving pooches and their owners improved odds at getting canines into heaven. The Danvers church plans to hold the service on the third Sunday of every month, complete with communion for the humans and special blessings for pets. Dogs will get special treats. Church officials said well-mannered dogs on leads are invited. Prayers can also be offered for other types of pets.  Reverend Thea Keith-Lucas told The Salem News that dogs will have a say during service, on the grounds that barking won't be banned."

WINNIE COOPER, WHAT WOULD KEVIN ARNOLD SAY NOW?

FELONS ANSWERING YOUR PHONE CALL

"MAJOR banks could outsource data processing work to a group of Indian prisoners, in a move that raises serious security questions.  Convicts in a southern Indian prison will soon join the nation's outsourcing boom at a data processing centre being set up by an information technology company that works with dozens of businesses around the world. The company, Radiant Info Systems, claims Royal Bank of Scotland and Goldman Sachs as clients, and will employ inmates at Charalapally Central Jail, in India's technology hub of Hyderabad, to help to process bank paperwork, the Times of London reports. There will be no phones and very limited internet access for the convicts, the company said. The inmates are in prison for crimes ranging from petty theft to murder and rape. "There will be no security hazard involved," said C Narayanacharyulu, a director of the company, Radiant Info Systems, that will set up the jail office in about four months. The prison data processing centre will be the first of its kind in the country. The centre will employ about 250 of the jail's more educated prisoners. The prisoners will earn 5000 rupees ($120) a month, up from the roughly 450 rupees ($15) they now earn making textiles or doing carpentry, said CN Gopinath Reddy, director general of prisons in Andhra Pradesh state where the prison is located. Regular starting salaries at data centres are generally about three times what the prisoners will make. "Once they become experienced in this work and go out after completing their sentence, a whole new world of opportunity will wait for them," Mr Reddy said."

AND YOU THOUGHT YOU HAD IT BAD ENOUGH ALREADY!!

MAD COW MOTORCYCLE?

MY FAVORITE DALMATION

Dad Charged With Branding Kids Is Acquitted

(AP) PORT ANGELES, Wash. (AP) - A man in Washington state who branded his children like cattle has been acquitted of second-degree assault charges. A jury in Port Angeles deadlocked Thursday on two lesser charges of fourth-degree assault, and a judge declared a mistrial on those counts. The two teenage sons of 39-year-old Mark J. Seamands testified that they had wanted to be branded. The Sequim (SKWIM') man was branded himself. He testified he wanted to bring the family closer together while he was going through a divorce. Seamands' ex-wife said she was horrified when she saw the scars. Seamands' 18-year-old daughter also was branded, but the dad wasn't charged with assaulting her because she was old enough to give consent. The children were branded with the letters "SK," which stands for "Seamands' kids."

DOG NEEDS VIAGRA??

 HUNTINGTON, N.Y. (AP) - A New York animal shelter is seeking donations of Viagra to treat a pit bull with a heart condition. Staff members at the Little Shelter Animal Rescue and Adoption Center in Huntington, on Long Island, say 6-year-old Ingrid needs two of the little blue pills every day or she will risk heart failure. They said a vet suggested it. The pills cost about $10 apiece, and the shelter has been asking Viagra users to pitch in and donate their unused pills. Viagra was originally developed as a heart medication but is now used mainly by human males to give their sex lives a boost. One woman donated her husband's stash to the dog because she suspected he was having an affair.

 I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS IS FOR REAL! AND THIS YOUNG PUPPY IS WAITING.

HAPPY SPASTIC

NEW YORK, May 12 (UPI) -- A New York lawyer accused of grabbing a judge's inner thigh and buttocks says the incident was a result of spastic movements from his cerebral palsy. Hippocrate Mertsaris, 35, who uses a wheelchair, was charged with sexual abuse and sexual harassment for allegedly touching the female Taxi and Limousine Commission judge inappropriately during a meeting at her office, the New York Daily News reported Wednesday. Wyatt Gibbons, a lawyer for Mertsaris, said his client admits to touching the judge, but the action was involuntary. "He whacked her in the butt but it wasn't sexual abuse," Gibbons said. "He has spastic movements." He said Mertsaris requires the assistance of a healthcare aide in his everyday life. "If he was starving to death and had a hamburger in front of him he couldn't lean over to pick it up," Gibbons said. The first hearing in the case was set for June 15.

OH COME ON NOW! PUTS A BAD NAME FOR OTHER'S WITH THIS CONDITION.

OH MY GOSH, THIS BATHROOM FLOOR IS SOOOOOO NASTY!

OBAMA'S NEW HEALTH CARE NURSES

THIS IS THE REAL ME

HOIST FAILED BY GRANNY

. PAUL, Minn., May 11 (UPI) -- Police in Minnesota said a man who snatched an 85-year-old's purse was chased down by the woman's 65-year-old daughter. St. Paul police spokesman Sgt. Paul Schnell said the man struggled with the two women at about 2:18 p.m. Friday and fled with the older woman's purse, the St. Paul Pioneer Press reported Tuesday. The daughter gave chase and the man attacked her with a knife, cutting her on the cheek, but dropped the purse and fled in a Buick when she used her cane to break the weapon. The woman did not require medical attention, Schnell said. A witness took down the man's license plate and Perry Young, 52, was arrested and charged with second-degree assault and first-degree attempted aggravated robbery, the newspaper said.

SHERIFF ENDING CHARITY

LAKE MARY, Fla., May 11 (UPI) -- Authorities in Florida said a suspicious package found outside a church and detonated by a bomb squad turned out to contain more than $2,500 in cash.  The Seminole County Sheriff's Office bomb squad said a member of Master's Touch International Church, near Lake Mary, found a 40-pound cardboard box outside of the facility at 11 a.m. Saturday and brought it to a nearby fire station, the Orlando (Fla.) Sentinel reported. The bomb squad was called in and was unable to determine the contents of the box, labeled "For Pastor Nick," with the use of an X-ray. "It didn't look normal," sheriff's spokeswoman Kim Cannaday said. "That's all we knew." The box was detonated by the bomb squad and they then discovered it had contained $2,500 to $2,700 in paper money and several rolls of silver dollars. sherCannaday said the U.S. Treasury will replace the damaged money.

YOU CRAZY WABBIT

"Teacher with rabbit phobia to sue 14-year-old for drawing bunny. A teacher with a phobia over rabbits is suing a 14-year-old pupil for compensation after she drew a bunny on the blackboard. The teacher, from Vechta, Germany, says she was traumatised by the drawing, and claims the girl knew it would terrify her.

She had transferred to the school where a pupil from her former school had just become a pupil and told her new friends about the teacher's fear of rabbits. "We did it for fun and out of curiosity", one of the girls told a court, adding, "We wanted to see if she would really freak out." School officials removed her from the class and now the teacher is seeking compensation for her terror and her loss of earnings, her lawyer Manfred Bormann told the court. The case continues....."                     

LOVING WIVES 2

"In 2005, Stacy Castor, 41, used a kitchen baster to give anti-freeze to her second husband David Castor over a four-day period, and then staged the scence to make it appear a suicide. Investigators found he had ingested ethylene glycol. Suspecting his wife, they exhumed the body of Stacy's first husband, Michael Wallace, who died in 2000 of a heart attack. Chemical analysis showed that his body contained ethylene glycol as well. This threw more suspicion on Stacy Castor, but she already had a back-up plan. She arranged evidence to point the finger at her own daughter Ashley! Stacy accused her teenage daughter of killing both her father and step-, despite the fact that Ashley was only eleven years old when Michael Wallace died. In 2007, Ashley Wallace was hospitalized for an overdose of prescription pills, and vodka. There was a suicide note in which she confessed to the murder of her step-father. The only problem was that Ashley survived to testify against her mother at the 2009 trial Stacy Castor faces 25 years to life for the murder of David Castor and the attempted murder of Ashley Wallace.

LOVING WIVES

"The first Australian to be sentanced to a natural life term without parole, Katherine Knight, had a history of violence in relationships. She mashed the dentures of one of her ex-husbands and slashed the throat of another's eight week old puppy before his eyes. A heated relationship with John Charles Thomas Price had her stabbing him 37 times with a butcher knife before skinning him and hanging his hide from a meat hook in  their lounge room back in 2000. She then decapitated him and put his head in a pot on the stove, baked flesh from his buttocks and cooked vegetables and gravy as side dishes to serve to his children. Police found the macabre dinner before the adult children arrived home."

WHAT?

OPERATION OVERLOAD

NOTHING TO SAY

HUMAN INSECT

OH KITTY KITTY, I LOVE YOU!

A German postal worker, from Possendorf, has unofficially married his beloved cat, Cecilia. 39-year-old Uwe Mitzscherlich has shared precious moments with Cecilia, for the last 10 years. Unfortunately, the purring fur-ball is now obese and asthmatic, and the vets don’t think she has much more to live. Because they’ve had such a unique relationship, for many years, Mr. Mitzscherlich decided to make it official, and asked Cecilia’s…paw, in marriage. Sadly, human-animal weddings aren’t recognized in Germany, so Uwe Mitzscherlich had to pay a female actor to officiate the ceremony. At first she thought it was a joke, but quickly realized this was a dream come true, for the German postal worker. The couple dressed for the occasion, with Uwe wearing a wedding suit and top hat, and Cecilia boasting a lovely white dress. It was a beautiful ceremony, and 15-year-old Cecilia even meowed loudly, through the exchanging of the vows.