FUNERAL PROCESSION DRIVES THRU THE DRIVE-THRU AT BURGER KING

YORK, Pennsylvania – Mourners at a Pennsylvania fast-food fan’s funeral wanted him to have it his way, so they arranged for his hearse — and the rest of the procession — to make one last drive-thru visit before reaching the cemetery. David Kime Jr. “lived by his own rules,” daughter Linda Phiel said. He considered the lettuce on a burger his version of healthy eating, she said. To give him a whopper of a send-off Saturday, the funeral procession stopped at a Burger King where each mourner got a sandwich for the road. Kime got one last burger too, the York Daily Record reported. It was placed atop his flag-draped coffin at the cemetery.
I WONDER WHAT THE KING THOUGHT???

INSTEAD OF LADY FINGERS, HOW ABOUT LADY THUMB?

Florida – A Palm Bay man is accused of biting off his on-and-off again girlfriend’s left thumb during a fight. The incident began with a call from a nurse at Health First Holmes Regional Medical Center, Palm Bay police spokeswoman Yvonne Martinez said. “The nurse advised the victim was treated for a severed left thumb, and that the woman continued to say, “I can’t believe he bit my finger off,’” she said. “He bit it completely off and spit it out on the floorboard.” Martinez said hospital staff were not able to reattach her thumb. When Palm Bay police got to the hospital, the woman was gone. They went to her last-known address, on East University Boulevard, and found Melbourne police were already at the scene.

YUM!!!!!!

DEADLY YOUNGSTERS

TALBOT COUNTY, Maryland - Is it child’s play or a serious threat of gun violence? For the second time in less than a month, a Maryland child is kicked out of school for using his finger in the shape of a gun. No one is debating the importance of keeping children safe. The question being asked is what’ child’s play and what’s not? There’s controversy at a Talbot County school after two 6-year-old boys were suspended while playing cops and robbers during recess and using their fingers to make an imaginary gun. “It’s ridiculous,” said parent Julia Merchant. This is the second time a Maryland child has been suspended for such play. Earlier this month, 6-year-old Rodney Lynch was suspended from his Montgomery County school after pretending to fire an imaginary gun more than once.

BILL CLINTON NAMED FATHER OF THE YEAR???

Former president Bill Clinton can add Father of the Year to the many awards he’s garnered in his decades of public service. The National Father’s Day Council, which has been giving out such an honor for 72 years, has named Clinton one of its recipients for 2013. “With the profound generosity, leadership and tireless dedication to both his public office and many philanthropic organizations, President Clinton exemplifies the attributes that we celebrate through the Father of the Year award,” said Dan Orwig, chairman of the National Father’s Day Committee. The not-for-profit group awards Father of the Year to “contemporary lifestyle leaders of our culture” and raises money for its philanthropic efforts. Past recipients from the world of politics have included Michael Bloomberg, Andrew Cuomo and his father, Mario Cuomo, and Rudy Giuliani.

MERRY CHRISTMAS, oBAMA

Washington DC – Michelle Obama recently revealed that she and President Obama don’t give Christmas gifts to each other. They merely say, “We’re in Hawaii,” and that’s Christmas gift enough.
But actually the present is from taxpayers, and it’s an expensive one. The total cost to taxpayers of Obama’s vacations to Hawaii since becoming president is likely in excess of $20 million, and possibly much, much more. During a time of budget deficits that threaten the nation’s security and its future, the Obamas have chosen to maintain a “family tradition” and vacation halfway around the world instead of finding far cheaper alternatives closer to home. Given that much of the cost involves transporting the First Family and its retinue, the Obamas could have saved taxpayers millions by doing what the vast majority of Americans do: taking either one trip a year, or none.

911, SORRY WE'RE BUSY, CALL BACK..

DETROIT, Michigan – While Detroit Mayor Dave Bing and Interim Police Chief Chester Logan explore a restructuring of the city’s police department, some residents are expressing frustration with how their calls are being handled. Detroiter Rachelle Guyton said she called 911 around 6:30 a.m. Saturday to report that her 2003 Chrysler Town & Country minivan had been stolen from an apartment building in Palmer Parkb – but it wasn’t the van she was worried about. “I have a gun under my car seat, and when I called the police department to explain this to them and try to have them help but they didn’t give me any attention. They told me I had to wait until 8 o’clock to call back. What if someone gets shot with this? What if a child gets this in his hand? I’m responsible, and I just can’t have that on my conscience,” Guyton said.

DID WE NEED TO KNOW THAT AL ROKER POOPED HIS PANTS IN THE WHITE HOUSE??

USA – Al Roker — who got his stomach stapled in March 2002 — shared his most embarrassing moment on “Dateline”, saying he was covering an event at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave a month after his operation … when he felt the urge to let one rip. Roker said, “I probably went off and ate something I wasn’t supposed to. And as I’m walking to the press room, I’m thinking well, I gotta pass a little gas here. I’m walking by myself. Who’s gonna know? Only a little something extra came out. I pooped my pants.”   WELL, THE WHITE HOUSE REALLY SMELLS LIKE SH-- NOW WITH THE PRESENT STAFF!

JUST DESERTS

PORT ST. LUCIE, Florida -- A teenager is recovering after police say he shot himself in the penis and testicle while cleaning a gun he just bought. It happened Thursday morning at a home on the 200 block of Verada Street in Port St. Lucie. Police say 18-year-old Michael Smeriglio first lied to police saying someone shot him while he was walking down the street. After being questioned by police he admitted to accidentally doing it himself. Doctors say the bullet went through his penis, his left testicle and then lodged itself in his thigh.Smeriglio told police he bought the gun last month at a party. While police were investigating at the home where it happened, they discovered marijuana in the house. That led to the arrest of the homeowner Joseph Lamar James, 22, on drug charges.
HA, HA, HA.....

HAMMERS MORE DANGEROUS THAN GUNS

Washington DC – According to the FBI annual crime statistics, the number of murders committed annually with hammers and clubs far outnumbers the number of murders committed with a rifle.
This is an interesting fact, particularly amid the Democrats’ feverish push to ban many different rifles, ostensibly to keep us safe of course. However, it appears the zeal of Sens. like Dianne Feinstein (D-CA) and Joe Manchin (D-WV) is misdirected. For in looking at the FBI numbers from 2005 to 2011, the number of murders by hammers and clubs consistently exceeds the number of murders committed with a rifle. Think about it: In 2005, the number of murders committed with a rifle was 445, while the number of murders committed with hammers and clubs was 605. In 2006, the number of murders committed with a rifle was 438, while the number of murders committed with hammers and clubs was 618. And so the list goes, with the actual numbers changing somewhat from year to year, yet the fact that more people are killed with blunt objects each year remains constant.

AURORA THEATRE SENDS REOPENING INVITATIONS TO VICTIM'S RELATIVES

 CENTENNIAL, Colo. (AP) — Relatives of the majority of people killed in a Colorado movie theater rejected an invitation on Wednesday to attend its reopening later this month, calling it a “disgusting offer.” The parents, grandparents, cousins and widow of nine of the 12 people killed released a letter sent to the theater’s owner, Cinemark, in which they criticized the Plano, Texas-based company for not reaching out to the families of victims to offer their condolences. They also said the company refused to meet with them one-on-one without lawyers present. The families said they were asked to attend an “evening of remembrance” followed by a movie when the Aurora theater reopens on Jan. 17 in invitations sent two days after Christmas. “Thanks for making what is a very difficult holiday season that much more difficult. Timing is everything and yours is awful,” they wrote. The company had no immediate comment.